Whatever It Takes, Part 9

Pairing: Zach/Chris, Chris/OMC
Summary: From the based on this prompt on the Kink Meme: I hope someone finds this interesting enough to right [sic] it. So, I have read a couple of stories recently where Chris doesn’t realize that he loves Zach until it’s too late and Zach is with someone else. I want a story that is the reverse. Chris had for a while wanted Zach, but Zach was too oblivious, so Chris gave up and found another guy. so basically Zach has to work for it. Zach has to prove to Chris that he is the better guy. Jealous Zach is a fun read. and I like happy ending, but Zach has to work for it, and Chris just doesn’t leave the other guy just cause Zach says so. So lots and lots of drama. please please someone write it.
Rating: NC-17 (This part R)
Wordcount: 1393
Disclaimer: Didn’t happen. No matter how much I wish it would.
Warnings: None
A/N: I have no clue how long this will be, but it feels like it’ll end up being epic. I’m keeping a perspective on it to keep it moving.

Zach stared at the ceiling fan lazily whirling above him, his arms pillowed behind his head. The room was dark, street light just seeping in the window. His mind turned over the last 24 hours, churning his stomach.

Stealing a glance at the form beside him in the bed, Zach’s eyes roamed over a rounded hip, the sheet draped up across a tapered waist, the swell of ass that faded in the waterfall of cotton. If the man’s eyes had been open, their deep blue would have been muted only by the dimness of the room. What would be in them? Interest? Curiosity? Regret? His hair, tufted and messy, was brown with hints of blond, carefully highlighted to look sun-kissed. It was his lips Zach stared at the most. Lips that had done things to him Zach had needed them to do, said things he’d wanted to hear: “You’re so hot,” and “Oh yeah, harder.” Other unintelligible noises of pleasure.

The problem was the first thing those lips had said to him. “You’re Zach Quinto, right? I’ve seen you in here before, but not lately. My name is Alex.” Close to blowing him off, Zach looked up from his drink into arresting blue eyes, slightly blond hair, and a sinful mouth. Not as sinful as the mouth he wanted to be staring at, but promising. So with a tilt of his head, he’d gestured for Alex to sit down. Alex was just enough to make Zach not care if this was a good idea or not. Just witty enough. Just well read enough to keep up with Zach. Just enough of a double of Chris for Zach to imagine lewd things. Just different enough from Chris that Zach knew it would hurt like hell.

It was no less than he deserved.

Instead of being happy his best friend found someone who made him sappy and irritatingly saccharine, Zach had tried to destroy it, to keep Chris for himself. He hadn’t been able to handle the idea of Chris no longer pining for him. He’d been completely fine looking at Chris as only a friend when it was him longing for Zach, watching Zach’s flings parade by. But when it was Zach’s turn to be the good friend and not act on his desires for Chris while he gave someone else his attention, Zach had turned into a petulant toddler, essentially throwing his sippy cup across the room with an ear splitting screech. Zach didn’t deserve Chris’s attention or affection. Hell, he didn’t deserve Chris’s friendship.

I can’t believe you, Zach, Chris had yelled over their cooling food. Are you really so selfish that you can’t let me have something with someone else? When you didn’t want me until a couple weeks ago? Or are you just that insecure that you don’t think I can still be your friend while in a relationship, so you immediately make it a competition? You are un-fucking-believable. Chris’s last words had cut the deepest. To think I believed you were actually looking out for me for once, instead of yourself. Fuck you, Quinto.

That was two weeks ago. Until yesterday, Zach had been vacillating between confidence that Chris would call him and they’d hash it out, because that’s what they’d always done after arguing, and surety that he’d never see Chris again. He wore out Noah by taking one of the longest walks in the history of dog walking because he’d been so lost in his own head he hadn’t realized they’d gone miles further than usual. Noah collapsed on his dog bed when they got home and hadn’t moved for the rest of the day. Zach composed speeches to eloquently deliver to Chris that could have no other result than forgiveness. He thought up self-deprecating text messages so Chris would have visual proof of his regrets. He almost dialed Chris’s number so many times his phone battery died while he stared in indecision at the screen.

In the end, he’d done the worst thing he could do – went to a bar, picked up a Chris look-a-like and tried to fuck himself into a better frame of mind. He wasn’t even minutely surprised it hadn’t worked.

Running his hand gently from shoulder to hip, Zach nudged Alex. He stirred, smiled and opened his eyes. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“What time is it?” Alex squinted around for a clock.

“3 a.m.”

Surprise flickered across Alex’s features. “Oh? So … what’s up? Round two? Or I think it would be round four. You don’t give a guy much time to recover.”

“Get out,” Zach said in an incongruously pleasant voice. Alex stilled, confusion bleeding into his features. Zach smiled, and this one had fangs. “You heard me. Leave. You’re not what I want, so you don’t get to stay and taint my sheets or leave any kind of mark on my life. Trust me, you’re dodging a bullet, so get out while you still can.”

Alex sat up, shaking his head. “So that’s it? Not that I expect professions of undying devotion, but a little courtesy wouldn’t be too much to ask.” He yanked on his pants and shirt after a search of the floor to find where they’d been discarded. As he tied his shoes, he sneered at Zach. “Just another plasticky actor forgetting what it’s like to be human, using people until you throw them away like so much garbage. I should have known better.”

Just as Alex reached the bedroom door, he turned back to snarl at Zach as he cradled his head in his hands. “Next time you’re fucking someone, you might want to make sure you pick up a Chris so when you call out their name in the middle of an orgasm, they don’t know the difference.”

Two door slams, and Zach was mercifully alone, lying back down. He exhaled, his eyes stinging. He reached for his cell phone to look for messages. Aside from work, there were three from Zoe over the last two weeks, one from Kristen, and none from Chris. Before he could consider the wisdom of doing so, he called up a new email screen and tapped out a message.

Chris, I’m sorry. You were right. I was insecure and shallow and selfish, not wanting to share you with anyone else even though I had no right to such expectations since I have never fulfilled yours of me. Instead of being supportive of you, I took it as a challenge with you as the prize for the winner. But you’re not property. You should have every say about who you are with and when, and I’m not even worthy of your consideration. Not that it should matter that I’ve been steeping in my own self-loathing for two weeks, but it might make you feel better to know that I hate myself more than you hate me. And I think I may have actually learned something from this. Life isn’t a game; people aren’t pieces to strategically manipulate into position, and my head games have cost me my closest friend. I don’t even have the courage to ask for your forgiveness. I don’t deserve it. So just know this, Chris. If I hadn’t taken you for granted for so long, if I had seen past my own nose long enough to realize what I had right in front of me, someone worthy of every consideration, I might not be facing a life devoid of you, but one beside you. Right now, that thought is the most bitter of all, like I’m forced to eat a piece of my own heart. But it’s nothing more than I deserve.

I hope that however this email finds you, it is in a better state than when I last saw you. If you’re not better, don’t tell me. What I’ve already lost here is too big to also be aware that I’ve had a lasting negative effect on you. I could have loved you Chris. I was just too selfish and conceited to see it in time.

Z

He closed his phone and threw it across the room where it landed harmlessly on the carpet, chiming that the email went through. Like good food, sometimes good friends and lost loves were worth crying over, too. Especially when they were one and the same person. So he did.

Part 10

~ by A on April 18, 2011.

2 Responses to “Whatever It Takes, Part 9”

  1. Oh god. Best post yet. This absolutely broke me. Zach’s email had me in tears. It is so heartfelt and true. Finally he’s putting Chris’ feelings ahead of his own and resolutely accepting the fact that he so grievously affected their friendship that he’s not asking for forgiveness. Absolutely heartfelt and painstakingly honest. Amazing bb.
    (this fic is killing me. I need moar!!) <33

  2. *wibbles* Awww bbZach. He fucked up…but at least he realizes he fucked up!!

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